As much as “growing up” comes with newfound independence and exciting experiences, reaching adulthood can also be uncomfortable, confusing and disruptive – as is any major life change.

According to the latest Unicef South Africa U-Report poll, about 73% of children and young people up to the age of 30 reported that they needed mental health support in 2022.

“I really think a lot of people underestimate the vast amount of pressure and stress young adults are under – it is a highly tumultuous time (at best) on a biological, psychological, environmental and social level,” Daniele Broadley, a clinical psychologist based in Randburg, tells Maverick Life. 

Why is reaching adulthood so tough?

As young people grow up, leave school, enter the workforce and begin building their lives, they are often faced with challenges that arise from these big life changes. This can range from conflict in the home, where young people feel the need for independence and autonomy, navigating new environments and demands at work or in tertiary education, investing in serious romantic relationships and seeking a lasting sense of identity, Broadley explains. 

And, naturally, their peers are often going through the same things, which can see the dynamics of friendships shifting and even lead to the loss of some friends. 

All of these aspects also come with choices and decisions, which young people may not feel they are equipped to make. Broadley notes that some may feel that the decisions or mistakes they are making now in their youth are going to have irreversible, life-altering and enduring consequences – a belief that can be crippling.

“We as a society reinforce this idea that you get one shot at matric or your studies, for instance. Which is actually not the whole truth. There are many possible pathways and second chances – they just aren’t spoken of as frequently,” Broadley reassures. 

All of these factors of adulthood “aren’t the types of topics that are covered in school”, she notes, “so young adults are faced with many struggles that they have no idea how to navigate”.

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How do these struggles affect mental health? 

The difficulties faced by young adults can have a “profound impact on mental health”, says Broadley. 

“The multiple stressors and frequent exhaustion faced by young adults can lead to difficulties such as anxiety and depression, among other things.”

This can be explained, in part, due to the diathesis-stress model, which proposes that a psychological disorder can be triggered when an individual is exposed to multiple stressors, and this increases in likelihood if the person has a biological predisposition for it. 

“Because they tend to have so many different demands that they have to juggle, I have frequently seen how young adults are often just in ‘survival mode’. This state of mind, by its very nature, does not allow for pause or self-reflection so they often do not realise that they have slipped into an anxious or even depressive state until it has become very severe or debilitating. This also makes reliance on substances far more tempting as a means to cope with or escape the overwhelm.”

How to survive, then thrive

“I think the biggest favour any young adult can do for themselves is to spend time getting to know themselves – and to do this compassionately, non-judgementally and with curiosity,” Broadley recommends. This includes:

• Getting to know your specific triggers and where they come from;
• Learning about your specific patterns in relation to others; and
• Taking responsibility for doing better than you’ve been programmed to do throughout your life’s experiences.

“Once you understand this, you will see why certain changes and challenges are far more overwhelming than others, and you will also soon start to realise what you are okay with keeping in your life, and what will be best to let go of as you shape yourself and your world,” encourages Broadley.

Broadley also believes that young adults should intentionally cultivate a “growth mindset”, where they see their intelligence and talent as “qualities that can be developed over time with effort and action”. 

“With this mindset, challenges that come your way are viewed as part of what helps you to grow the aspects of yourself that you deem important. Rather than approaching setbacks or mistakes as catastrophes that have irreparable consequences to your world and who you are as a person, setbacks and mistakes can be seen as temporary, necessary and fundamental to personal growth and learning.”

Imagine going from seeing mistakes as something to be avoided at all costs, to embracing and actually appreciating them as necessary for lifelong learning. Absolutely mind-shattering, freeing and highly recommended.

Self-care is also important, but young people should feel reassured that there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to taking care of oneself. Different practices work for different people – what is most important is practising self-care in a way that works for you. 

“The trick is to try out as many ideas as appeal to you, and keep the ones that you find work for you and your lifestyle,” Broadley says.

“It’s useful to think of this aspect in terms of the different pillars of self-care, and then tailor-make yourself a lifestyle or routine that encompasses all of these pillars.”

These pillars are, according to Broadley:

• Physical – taking care of your body;
• Recreational – setting up your life in a way that allows for enjoyable activities;
• Social – spending time with loved ones;
• Emotional – drawing on coping techniques or strategies during times of overwhelm;
• Spiritual – incorporating meaning into your life;
• Mental – working on a healthy mindset; and
• Environmental – looking after your surroundings by, for instance, decluttering your workspace.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, Broadley recommends prioritising these pillars, and then tackling them one at a time.

“Pick one and start slowly… It is far more effective to make small, incremental changes to your daily life than to go big and drop the practices altogether in a month or two.

Finally, Broadley encourages practising kindness, both with yourself and with those around you. 

“I’ve also picked up a great deal of shame in facing these difficulties [of adulthood], which means that [young people] often assume they are at fault in some way for not knowing how to work through the inevitable changes that accompany this period. But, how could they know when it is their first encounter with these issues? It’s like judging yourself for sinking in the deep end when you’ve never been taught how to swim.

“All these changes come and go – simply allow any feelings that arise from the changes to flow through you. There is far greater resilience in doing that than in fighting your discomfort or avoiding it completely.” DM/ML